What is love?

I am sure most of us would have heard this question floating around so there is nothing new about it. Like many other philosophical questions this may not have a definite answer and each one of us has a different way of looking at it. An old friend of mine once said that love is about taking responsibility, another said it is about gestures and yet another believed it was about mutual respect.

Of course, they were talking about love in adult partnerships. In a similar context we have parental love, sibling love, self-love, love in friendships etc and the concept is quite the same.

Last week I was travelling from Kolkata to Bhubaneshwar and witnessed an elderly couple in their late sixties chitchatting with each other in the adjacent berth. It was a 6 hour non-stop journey and I also noticed them sharing earbuds while listening to songs or watching a movie on one device.

Later on, I heard the husband saying that the wife was clumsy as she dropped something from her purse and wife retaliated by saying he was too uptight! I thought they would get into a heated argument right after however it was fascinating to see that they just laughed at each other frantically. They made it seem so easy and seamless that I started admiring this comfort level that had either achieved over a period of time or came naturally to them.

I couldn’t help wondering how that statement could have opened up a Pandora’s box of past incidents related to not-so-pleasant things like irresponsibility and disrespect trying to prove each other’s point. Either way it would have resulted in an emotional turbulence and energy evacuation for both of them. I feel that more often than not , partners like and care about each other but are mostly vocal about certain quirks that they disapprove of. After all, in an Indian culture it is very rare to see visible affection in a relationship ,let alone a display of it. I am sure this elderly couple would also have these quirks that set the other person off however they had probably accepted that as a part and parcel of their partnership. People say it is easier said than done though! Is it really?

Many times life partners don’t know anything about each other at a deeper level. How many of us get into aspects of likes, interests, passion or as simple as what is happening in each others’s life? We are supposed to be life partners but we end up being room mates, or worse even house mates. It is a natural human tendency to want to be seen for the person that we truly are and that leads to a blissful relationship indeed. The world may get harsh at times and it is not easy to tread upon this journey alone.

We all have our own struggles which we will likely solve on our own as well, but it is easier when someone stands by us. A wise man one said happiness multiplies and sadness diminishes when we share it with someone. It is a good idea to consider or reconsider your partner for being this person before deciding to entirely give up on him/her for a good reason .  Sometimes things just don’t work out but I believe that we need to either speak up or make peace because the the zone in between can be quite painful. Now that we have set on a journey together it would be ideal to witness each other’s life rather than striving to make each other perfect. Besides the word ‘perfect’ in itself is a relative term, isn’t it?

With all these thoughts dancing in my head , I started a casual conversation with the elderly couple in my train and later on asked about what they thought love is . As though they had discussed and agreed upon it, they gleefully said “Well, we may like someone because of something but when we love someone , it is despite everything”

Happy Valentine’s Day