Choosing yourself: The new language of love

A friend sipped her drink, swirling the ice lazily, as she spoke — half resigned, half amused.

“He’s done with his studies in the US vacation time comes, and off he goes — Spain, Italy, Japan. Everywhere except home.”

She was talking about her son. There was no bitterness in her voice, just a quiet acceptance. The kind that comes when you’ve exhausted every argument, every plea, and finally tell yourself — let it be.

“I’ve made peace with it,” she shrugged, raising her glass in an almost celebratory toast to herself. “Now, I party.”

This isn’t just her story. It’s happening everywhere. Parents and children. Friends. Relationships we once thought unshakable.

People are learning to accept — not out of joy, but because they have no choice. A quiet resignation, a shift from expectation to endurance. Maybe this is the new way of love — not waiting, not pleading, just letting go. And in that letting go, choosing one’s own self.

Psychiatrist Dr Sanjay Chugh points out the generational shifts in parent-child relationships, explaining how time spent together is steadily decreasing. “It’s not about love fading,” he explains. “It’s that the priorities are evolving. Parents now find themselves adapting to a world where children are more independent, more global. And acceptance, rather than resistance, brings more fulfillment.”

And it’s not just parents. Something has shifted in our relationships — across friendships, marriages, even at work. Bonds once built on constant togetherness now make space for personal freedom.

Think of your daughter studying abroad. These days, she doesn’t check in every day. But that doesn’t mean she loves you any less. Or the sibling who rarely calls. Yes, she calls rarely, yet never forgets your birthday. The colleague who once shared daily coffee breaks with you, now works in another city. The warmth still remains, it just finds new ways to exist.

At first, this change might seem like detachment, maybe even a lack of concern. But as psychiatrist Dr Chugh puts it, “To cope with this, when parents or people in general prioritize their well-being, they are not being selfish. They are embracing the most fundamental human need that is self-preservation.”

Maybe that’s why we see mothers picking up old hobbies, fathers setting off on solo road trips, and friends stepping back from draining connections. Not because love has faded, but because they are learning to love themselves too.

It makes one think. Maybe the world isn’t heartless. Maybe it’s just different. Love isn’t always about staying back or waiting. It’s also about choosing — choosing yourself when others don’t. It’s not abandonment. It’s just self-preservation.

Perhaps, by choosing ourselves, we make room for a love that is lighter, freer — one that isn’t tied down by expectations. A love that doesn’t need constant presence to be real. A love that lets go, yet never truly fades.