If the Zodiac Signs Were Love Languages

Love languages are cute until one turns into a rom-com villain. But if each zodiac sign a love language? Welcome to chaos with emotional nuance.

If love isn’t rushing across the city at 2 a.m. to fix a flat tire and fight someone on the way, then Aries is out. Bold gestures, no chill.

Think hand-holding during Netflix marathons and forehead kisses that last longer than a Christopher Nolan film. Add snacks, subtract drama.

Love is a TED Talk. Flirty, witty, emotionally scattered. But hey, at least it’s never boring—unless feelings are involved, then buffering.

Expect a curated evening of candlelight and repressed feelings. Emotional availability is the main course. Celine Dion, optional but likely.

Touch, words, gifts, time, service—Leo needs all of it wrapped in gold foil and shouted from a rooftop. Love must sparkle and have a red carpet.

Love is fixing someone’s resume while alphabetizing the spice rack. Practical affection—slightly controlling, always thoughtful.

Nothing says love like a perfectly wrapped, vaguely impractical gift. Bonus points if it matches the room’s vibe and their outfit.

If Scorpio’s watching a partner breathe just to decode what that exhale , that’s love. Deep, intense, and low-key terrifying.

Love is a philosophical debate in an airport lounge. Commitment-phobic? Yes. But they’ll tell someone they love them while skydiving. Probably.

Love means taxes are filed early. Emotions? Delivered in bullet points. Might build an empire just to share it.

Expect blueprints for a utopia, not roses. Emotions delivered through infographics and existential questions. Love, but make it weird.

Long hugs, teary eyes, dramatic music swelling in the background. Love isn’t shown—it’s felt on a spiritual level and sometimes projected onto strangers.