Banter or disrespect? The thin line we keep crossing

I remember walking through the neighbourhood park one day, just a few months back. A group of young boys, maybe fifteen or sixteen years old, was playing, hurling abuses at each other in the name of fun. I kept walking. What else could I have done? How could I have helped?

Yet that moment lingered; I couldn’t quite name it. But it seemed as if something had changed in the way we speak to each other. It wasn’t just another passing thought. Perhaps mockery and a lack of respect have quietly settled in as the new normal.

Remember that whole drama with that young influencer who recently went on about relationships? Everyone was up in arms, and rightly so, but it got me thinking: are we just hiding behind ‘it’s a joke’ these days?

This thought surfaced again in another incident. In that chaotic market, near my place, I overheard a young guy, probably some kind of trader, talking to an elderly gentleman, clearly an employee. He casually kept saying ‘tu’ – you know, the informal ‘you’ – instead of ‘aap’, the formal ‘you’ to address the man who was old enough to be his father. It felt jarring.

It wasn’t just about language — it was about respect. There should have been a bit of ‘aap’ thrown in, a bit of due regard for the old man. Now, it’s like we’re all just buddies, even when we’re not. In professional settings, especially, small shifts like these signal something bigger. Are we becoming so casual in our interactions that we are forgetting the basic courtesy?

And then, there was a different moment — one that stayed with me. I was grabbing coffee, sitting in a cosy little cafe, near a well-known college, overheard girls talking about their professor. One of them, said, “chashma lagake aa jati hai, but she can’t teach” (She puts on glasses and dresses up, but when she comes to class, she can’t teach). At first, I laughed at the playful tone, taking it as a casual banter. But the more I thought about it, the more I realised that such comments downplay behaviour that deserves serious consideration.

In fact, these incidents left me reflecting deeply on our times. I began to question: What has happened to us? When did our words become shields to hide behind, allowing us to evade responsibility with a fleeting remark? I remember a time when humour was a tool for meaningful critique — a way to highlight truths without dismissing the underlying issues. Now, however, it feels like our lighthearted banter is slowly wearing away the mutual respect that once held us together.

Perhaps…the fine line between playful banter and outright disrespect has blurred. It took me back to a moment when teasing had its limits, when an elderly liftman once casually told me, “Masti thik hai, lekin zubaan sambhal ke.” (Fun is fine, but watch your words.)

We need to strike a balance — where humour remains lighthearted, not a cover for hidden jabs. Words hold great power. And we’ve all seen how a careless remark can cut deep. It can cut just as much as an intentional insult.

Maybe if we just take a breath before we speak, choose a bit of wit instead of a sharp edge, we could bring back some of that warmth. The sort that makes you feel included, and not just another target. Winston Churchill had a point, when he said, ‘A joke is a very serious thing.’ We must start seeing it that way. Not as a tool to dismiss, but as a way to connect, to build those bridges, and not burn them down.